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    Monday
    Apr222013

    my imagination

    See that card in the photo? It was given to me by a coworker quite a while ago after I received an honor at work.  It was & is true about me, and I was flattered that this particular coworker could see that in me.

    “Imagine yourself doing what you love and loving what you do, Being happy from the inside out, experiencing your dreams wide awake, being creative, being unique, being you – changing things to the way you know they can be – living the life you always imagined. “

    The life you always imagined.  What is it that 10 years from now you would really regret?

    Fill in the blank“I wish I had been brave enough to____________” 

    For me it’s finding a new job and moving somewhere new.

    By my own admission I am very happy and have a wonderful life, amazing family, and a job that I love.  Is it selfish of me to want more than this? 

    But I don’t think it’s enough.  Right now it’s not enough to just be comfortable in the life I have – as wonderful and satisfying as it is.  I am feeling that 10 years from now there will be regret if I don’t at least think about what I want to do differently and take a few chances.  So much of our lives are decided for us, and I’ve been happy with that until now. But since it’s really the first time in almost 30 years that I can do or be something else I really need to figure out what I want.

    And there it is.  The truth that we’re often not ready to say out loud.  If we’re lucky enough to be happy with the life we have – then why would we even contemplate something that might change that happy place? Because we’d regret it if we didn’t.  Am I tempting fate by even thinking about doing something else?  Foolish, selfish woman.  Why do you think you need more than the completely wonderful and satisfying life you have now? Because I think I would regret it if I didn’t try to experience something else.

    And I’m scared.  I’ve written before about finding another job and moving to a different place.  That I graduated from college on Saturday and moved to Marietta for a job 2 days later.  That I’ve lived here every day of my adult life.  It’s scary to think about getting a new job and moving someplace else. Of course some of it’s not within my control.  I have to actually find a new job in order to begin a different life somewhere else.  That small detail withstanding, it will take a lot of courage to get another job and start another life, leaving behind this wonderful place I’m in now. 

    Over the weekend I was with my ex-husband’s family at my nephew’s first communion, and I was talking to my sister-in-law about how it’s scary to think about moving somewhere else.  I said “I will have to be brave, and I’ll have to work to make new friends”  And she mentioned something that her brother told her about me when we first started dating – that he was impressed I had moved to Marietta right out of college without knowing anyone and made a new life for myself. That I was strong and independent and could take care of myself.  I never knew that.  And until she said it I didn’t even consider that I’ve actually done it before - taken a new job, moved somewhere and made a new life for myself.   

    So now it’s time to take some risks.  Change is big and it’s scary and sometimes it’s like jumping off a cliff.  But I think I’m one of those people than can be happy wherever and however I am.  And if I’m not – then maybe I will just choose to be. 

     

    in case you're wondering - I've made it no secret that I'm contemplating moving & changing jobs.  I have the complete support of my boss & coworkers.... 

    And...  as I've mentioned before, most times this journal is more of an exercise for me to work through what I'm thinking than it is a place for me to share.  This post is one of those times that it was all about me figuring something out.  And consequently - I've disabled the comment feature, as this feels too private to solicit comments.

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